Day 21: How Did It Take 21 Days for There to Be a Barbi?

Today was my first day of washing gear for hire. I caught a ride to the shop with Sam and Lois at an absurdly early 7. There wasn't much for me to do in the way of work until the shore dives for the day got back, so I sat in the back classroom and started reading for my Equipment exam. I was sharing the room with Peter, who would stop working every so often to dispense some of his worldly wisdom or to wake me up from my impromptu naps.

Things picked up in the afternoon. Before the rental gear was returned, I filled tanks for the next day's dives. Doing my very best not to blow the compressor, I filled with reckless abandon. Around 3, the divers returned, their soaking gear in tow. I ran around, rinsing fins and regulators, shampooing wet suits, and generally soaking the bejeezus out of my jeans. I managed to get the gear washed and stowed with some help from the others and headed home. I do not envy the kid who does that every weekend.

Tonight Kristy - one of the instructors - had a BBQ, my first in Australia. Considering the country's reputation for "throwing a shrimp on the barbi" I'm shocked it's taken this long. Winter is no excuse for not living up to stereotypes.

Lois and I walked over to Kristy's after getting ready, stopping at the bottle shop on our way. She selected two bottles of a nice red, and I chose for myself a full-bodied Carlton Draught. There was no way this night could turn out badly. We arrived and were given a quick tour of the apartment. I was then kicked out to the porch to grill with Pixie and Carl.

We spent the next hour or so doing what men do best: cooking meat outside. Despite immolating the sausages, we did an incredible job on the steaks, much to everybody's surprise. We remained outside for dinner, so we could enjoy the fruits of our labor, and so Carl could give me hell for being American. When it seemed as though some of the girl were enjoying their wine a little too much, most of the guests headed for home. Lois insisted on staying a while longer before we walked home with Emma. I had had a glass of wine myself and went straight to bed after downing some water, in hopes of staving off the wine hangover.

Yours in Nighttime Hydration,
Robert

Day 20: "How did you miss the question about the ears?"

I could put it off no longer, it was time to take the Physiology of Diving exam. Although Lois and I were scheduled to take the test at 8 AM, in a move that proved her worth as a study buddy and roommate, she convinced Emma to let us take the test in the afternoon. I knew there was a reason I keep her around.

Leaving Lois to her cram session, I joined Carl in the back classroom to do a last bit of reading and review for myself. Carl was busy answering emails all morning, but managed to find time to answer questions I had and make jokes about my ear. I must admit, he's getting quite clever at relating just about anything to a ruptured eardrum. Even an untied shoelace is related to the tympanic membrane these days. It's all in good fun, but one of these days Alice...

All of this reading about the human body and diving has given me cabin fever. It's now been nearly two weeks of being landlocked for me and I get more restless by the day. Carl says that once my ear is healed, he'll teach me how to freedive. Essentially, frediving is the same as scuba diving, except for the lack of a tank of air on your back. You take a single breath before swimming as far down as you can get. Carl can make it to 30m/100ft, and the world record is in the neighborhood of 250m/820ft. Hopefully I can get down at least as deep as Carl by the time I'm forced to go back to the States.

By 2PM, Lois and I were ready to face the music. We received the tests and separated. I didn't find it to be terribly difficult, only guessing on three or four questions. When we had both finished, we were graded and much to our surprise, we each missed two questions. Carl was particularly amused that one of the questions I missed was on the subject of ear injury. In my wildest dreams, I hope to one day live down my reputation as "The Ear Guy."

Before heading for home, Carl and Emma met with each of the divemaster candidates (Lois, myself and Michael), to discuss our schedules and the course. Nothing terribly special, but it's nice to know that they're keeping track of everything so we get the most out of our time here. Peter offered me a job washing gear for this weekend, so I can earn a bit of money until I find a job that won't interfere with my coursework.

Monday is a public holiday in celebration of the Queen's birthday, so there's going to be all kinds of stuff going on this weekend. With that in mind, Lois and I decided to have a calm night, and hung out with Sam rather than going out. I went to bed early in preparation for the day of work I had ahead.

Yours in Bed Early on a Friday Night,
Robert

Day 19: Look Out Steve Jobs

Today was my introduction to the world of marketing! Spent an hour reading for my Physiology exam before Peter set me to work.

The first order of the day was learning how the shop keeps in touch with their customers, and how the customer aspect of the shop software, EVE. I was surprised by the numbers of ways they use to keep customers coming back. How many other stores do you see sending texts to tell customers about sales? Exactly.

I was then tasked with analyzing some of the numbers from the customer files: how many people signed up for a certain course and that sort of thing (nothing personal, for those of you who were wondering). Three hours and a lunch break later, I was staring at a sheet of calculations and percentages. Microsoft Excel did most of the heavy lifting, but I managed to get the percentages of students signing up for a certain course, which was the point of it all.

These numbers in hand, Peter had me spend the afternoon writing target emails to get these students diving again. Lesson for the day: the fine art of being pushy enough to sell something without ending up in the junk folder. By the end of the day, I had a few solid-looking drafts that we might end up using. Not a bad for a day's work, I'd say.

I spent the night in, studying for the Physiology exam with Lois. Took a break to run, but there wasn't much more excitement than that. Hopefully the weekend will make up for the slow nights.

Yours in Selling a Lifestyle,
Robert

Day 18: Blending Gasses in a Socially-Acceptable Manner

After vowing not to go to bed until I had finished my Gas Blender theory, I woke up with three chapters left to do. Not the kind of thing that'll wake you up in the morning, but I managed to cover everything before Joe picked me up.

The lecture for the theory lasted close to three hours, and it was getting dark by the time we left, but I learned a great deal today. Mainly, I learned all the ways of mixing blends of oxygen and nitrogen used in specialized diving; in theory and in somewhat-terrifying practice. And I even got certified! My first real cert here in Australia! The way I figure, if I can manage to learn such a dull subject, I'll do well in the stuff that's more difficult but interesting (I'm looking at you, Physiology of Diving).

Much to his surprise, Joe was there to earn his instructor's cert in Gas Blending, so I had a chance to see how PADI instructors are instructed to... instruct. I got to be the test student while Joe went through the process of explaining a question I "missed". Like the giving a dive briefing, when I see how it's done, I feel confident that I'll be able to teach people dive theory. Hopefully, I'm still as confident when it's me up there being graded by Peter.

The bookwork out of the way, Joe and I learned to not only fill a tank with a nitrox mix, but how to completely dismantle and clean a scuba tank for use with nitrox. To my slight disappointment, we were not made to reassemble the tanks on top of our footlockers in the barracks. Maybe next time. We both passed the test without much pain, and headed home. On the drive to Cronulla, Peter gave us advice on diving, and on life in general. My favorite bit: "Everything in life is simple. Human beings are stupid, and if they've managed to survive, then everything else must be simple." I hope the wisdom is still there, despite the lack of context. I also hope that it means the upcoming Physics test won't be that hard.

Quiet night again, although I did take some time out to go for a run around Cronulla. Nothing like running along the ocean esplanade to make one think (and keep one awake past his bedtime).

Yours in Worthwhile Insomnia,
Robert

Day 17: How to Photograph A Bee's Ass

Today I sat in on Joe's Digital Underwater Photography Instructor course, as taught by Carl. We spent the morning learning how to properly take a picture on dry land and talking about the challenges presented by underwater photography. Much emphasis was placed on macro photography, which is a fancy way of saying "make small things look awesome." (Please keep your jokes to yourselves.) Afterward, we walked around the neighborhood behind the shop, practicing our new skills. Carl led our photo safari, giving tips and feedback to help us out. I was disappointed by the fact that my final shots weren't much better than my first couple shots, but I still felt I made some progress.

Ready for underwater shooting, we drove to The Steps, a dive site in Kurnell. I've heard stories of amazing sights to be seen at The Steps, so I was excited to go. The entry point Carl and Joe used is known as The Leap, as it calls for the diver to jump off the side of a rock and plummet into the ocean. I scrambled out to the end of a nearby rock to film their death-defying jump, and after they descended, explored the dive site. The Leap was at the bottom of a small cliff that has been carved out by the ocean over the years, which is an incredible sight. I snapped a few pictures of the area to post here, rather than trying to put it all into words. (Coming very soon.)

Since the guys were on a drift dive, I got to drive the truck down to the exit point, the first driving I've done in Australia. Despite signaling a turn with the windscreen wipers, I made it safely down the harrowing hundred-yard stretch of road to the exit point, The Steps. Although the diving community tends to be cryptic in the naming of their dive sites, I will boldly assume the site got its name from the stairway down to the ocean. Also an impressive place, with ocean-hewn rocks lining the bottom of the cliff. Near the path down is a sacred Aboriginal site, which Carl said was very important to the Botany Bay Aborigines. He also pointed out a column carved into the rock, a remnant of the first Western settlers. While waiting for Joe and Carl to surface I explored the area, practicing my macro photography on the way.

After the two dives were over, I got to hear stories and see pictures of of the giant rays and weedy seadragons they had seen . Never have I wanted to go diving more. I hoped the cabin fever wouldn't set in for a while longer, but I'm starting to get all ants-y in my pants-y. But on the bright side, Joe had some awesome pictures from the dives, so the day was a success.

We debriefed at the shop, and headed home, as Joe and I have a Gas Blender course tomorrow. It's tedious reading, but it'll be a good course to have under my belt. Still have a bit more left, a chapter to finish and mixes to learn before I sleep. And mixes to learn before I sleep.

Yours in Blog Post Rambling,
Robert

Day 16: Talkin Shop and Misfired Spears

Today was an early one. Didn't sleep much, I suspect one of the naps I took the day before is culprit. I was up before the sun today. Mark "The General" and I were picked up by Carl and Rachael around 6:30, the General off on some adventure, and I tagging along to a PADI conference.

The conference would be taking place at a country club in North Sydney (if my bearings serve me). The Fallons and I arrived an hour and a half before the conference started. So naturally Carl and I pay for a round of golf. And despite my years of golfing in high school, my ass was thoroughly handed to me. To be fair, we only played six holes. I guess come-from-behind wins haven't made it to Australia yet.

Around 9 AM, we were forced to give up the gentleman's game to sit down for the conference. Although incredibly long and, at some bits, horribly tedious, I found the talks to be very informative. It was a Business Solutions Seminar, so we spent the better part of the day learning how to bring in customers, and how to run marketing campaigns. Things of that sort. Had a rather fancy lunch, which included the tale of my burst eardrum, naturally. The final talk was a tad long for my taste, although not entirely uninformative. Managed to make it home in record time, which made me just in time for dinner. Which came in handy.

Around 6, Carl rang me, and gave me directions to his friend's house, just down the street. And because I'm still deaf in one ear, I got lost. After my brave rescue by Carl and the gang, and a bit of carrying boxes I was volunteered for, we settled in for a sort of housewarming dinner. And after dealing with some Portuguese-style chicken, Carl and I sat on the balcony with Neil/Pixie (Carl's friend). Of course the talk turned to scuba diving, and I brought up how excited I was to go spearfishing. Pixie just happened to have a spear gun, and that's when things got, as the kids say, b-a-n-a-n-a-s.

Carl decided to make a show of his manliness, and stretched back on of the rubbers to fire the gun (when not in heavily residential areas of course). The butt of the gun pressed to his sternum, Carl pulled with all his might to pull the huge rubber band back. Unfortunately, all his might couldn't get the band back the last half inch, and the rubberband took flight taking the spear gun with it. We watched in awe as it took flight over the balcony and land in the garden a story below, in what may have been the neighbors garden. I managed to climb my way down the building and retrieve the spear gun before the nice gentleman who's plants had just been speared could notice me. Carl, the consummate professional as always, made the executive decision to put the gun away. That's why he's my mentor.

Left soon after, arrived home to find Lois a bit tipsy from her girls night out with the women-folk from the dive shop. After agreeing upon a time to wake one another up, I set the soundtrack from Up! to lull us to sleep. But I skipped "the scary songs," as Lois says.

Yours in Strange Soundtrack Selections,
Robert

Day 15: Ibuprofen and Eggs, Breakfast of Champions

Woke up this morning to Lois's alarm, and feeling like my brain had grown a few sizes too large in my sleep. Managed to rally for breakfast, then back to bed for a bit. Attempted to make a trip to Manly with Carl, but my late start in the day resulted in me missing the train. Returned home after meandering through the mall, and broke in through the window, as I haven't seen my keys in several days. Bummed around the rest of the day, reading a bit here, listening to music a bit there.

Tonight was the celebration for the newly certified instructors at the Intersection. Despite losing an ear there only a week ago, made the journey to Ramsgate to join the celebrations. Managed to catch the train to Kogarah this time, and wound up in what may have been Little China. After walking a mile in the wrong direction, into a neighborhood that was probably dangerous for someone with a pretty face like mine, I called a cab and arrived without incident. Not surprisingly, everyone was fairly smashed by the time I showed up. Or at least everyone was drinking, and Carl and Joe were pretty smashed. As always, a good time. Managed to choke down a Toohey's or two, and joined everyone in having a Jägerbomb. After last night, I figured it best to be responsible and limit myself.

Eventually, the Intersection couldn't hold our attention anymore, so we headed to Northies. In spectacular form as always, the Northies bouncers refused to let Joe in, and as it was kinda his night to shine, we joined him outside. Northies isn't even that cool anyways.

The wind taken out of our sails, we decided to call it a night at 8:30. I sat in my room for a good hour deciding whether or not to rally, and go back to Northies solo. But sensibility won out, and I'll be going to bed after this is posted. I figure the last thing my ear needs at the moment is some deafening house music. Next weekend, scantily clad women of Northies, next weekend.

Yours in Getting Too Old for This,
Robert

p.s. I found my keys! So those of you worrying that I'd turn to a life of crime after having to break into my own room can now sleep soundly.